Omega’s Guide – Body Language

Last week in the Omega’s Guide, we worked on personal presentation through grooming and dress. Today, we will be lookin at personal presentation through something more fundamental, yet more difficult, body language.

You’ve probably heard the little nugget that some improbably high percentage of your the meaning of your communications comes from body language and tone, while the actual words mean little. What the percentage is and whether it’s true doesn’t matter, what does matter is that body language is important.

Body language says a lot about what you and others are thinking. As an omega or lesser beta you’re probably somewhat oblivious to body language, but you need to learn. Others are reading a lot into who you are and what you’re thinking through your body language. Also, by missing social cues from others body language your making your social interactions a lot more difficult.

I can’t tell you everything there is to know about body language, so you need to pick up a book on it. I personally own the Definitive Book on Body Language; it outlines it much of basic body language in a simple manner and has good illustrations. Pick it up and read through it, then apply what your read. Watch other people and identify what their bodies are expressing based on the book. The more you do it, the easier it gets; eventually it will come naturally (most of the time).

While I can’t tell you how to read body language, I will tell you a few basic things to watch out for though in your own body language. Most of this I had (have) to consciously work on to change.

The end goal of body language is ideally is to look confident (in a socially appropriate way), relaxed, and lively in most social situations, and to be able to display appropriate body language in other situations.

The nice thing about this though, is as you learn social skills, learn a martial art, get in shape, compete, become good at things, and otherwise improve yourself, these behaviours and body language will become more natural to you. As you become more confident by being a better man, you will look more confident. As a nice bonus it flwos the other way as well, by practicing proper, confident body language you will naturally begin to feel more confident.

– As a general rule, taking up space and spreading yourself out looks confident and relaxed. Squeezing yourself together, slouching, or taking defensive postures make you look weak and/or tense. Go for the former.

– Get your hands out of your pockets. Never have both hands in your pockets (exception: if it is very cold outside and you don’t have gloves you can put your hands in your jacket pocket). It conveys disinterest, fear, and a lack of confidence. One hand casually resting in a pocket while the other is active and moving can look confident, but if you have a habit of keeping your hands in your pockets keep them both out at all times. Once you’ve broken this habit, you can try out keeping one hand in a pocket to find a resting or movement position your like.

– Move your hands. When talking use your hands to emphasize what you are talking about; don’t make it big and flashy, subtle guestures are fine. Just make your hands/arms look alive. Hands hanging limp at your side are almost as bad as hands in your pockets. Hands folded together in front or behind you are better than poskets or hanging limp, but not as good as hands moving; if you simply can’t think of anything better to do with your hands (or moving your hands would be inappropriate), fold them together in front of you and hold them there.

– Don’t fold your arms. This is not an absolute, but folding your arms makes you look defensive, skeptical, and uninviting. It is off-putting to other people. Occasionally you may want to look this way, but it should not be a default resting position.

– Eye contact is important. When talking to someone look them in the eye; if you are unable to look someone in the eye, you look a coward and a liar (whether you actually are or not is irrelevant, because you will look like it). But do not stare or give a death glare; you want to be looking at their eyes about 70% of the time. So, look into their eyes andoccasionally, look away for very short periods of time. If, for some reason, you want to appear confident, but don’t to look directly into their eyes, stare at the point just between the eyes and just above the nose (the so-called third eye). Be careful, this can unnerve someone and appear aggressive, intimidating, or judgmental.

– Related to this: avoid quick eye movements. You know those characters in cartoons who look evil/suspicious because they quickly move their eyes back and forth? Yeah, that’s what you look like when your eyes dart everywhere. If you do too many quick eye movements you’ll come across as untrustworthy. Kepp your gaze steady and when you move it, do so purposefully and in a controlled matter.

– Keep your head up. Do not look at the ground, you’ll like weak and unconfident. Keep your head up and your eyes forward. Tilt your chin ever-so-slightly into the air for a look of extra confidence; avoid tilting it too high or it will look more arrogant than confident.

– Maintain good posture. When you hunch over you look broken and defeated (not to mention it’s bad for your back). Keep your back straight, chest out, shoulders back. Watch a military movie where all the soliders are standing at parade rest; that’s how your chest, back and shoulders should look. Stand like this, sit like this, walk like this. Always maintain this posture.

– Stand still and stand strong. When standing, don’t pace, don’t shuffle from side to side, don’t swing your hips back and forth, don’t tap your feet, don’t stand with your feet together; every one of these makes you look nervous and weak. Simply spread your legs so your feet are shoulder width apart, bend your knees slightly, and stand firm. This is the power stance; this combined with good posture, will make you look like a confident man. this is how you should stand whenever your aren’t moving to a different spot. If your martial arts instructor has taught you a resting stance, use that as your basic standing position.(For an advanced stance, you can try contrapposto; google it).

– Hips forward. When standing keep your hips slightly forward. It’s almost like your thrusting your member ever so slightly forward and keeping ti there (do not overdo this; it should be subtle). If you have good posture and a strong stance, you’ll should be doing this anyway, but make sure.

– Lead with your dick. When walking you should be leading with your hips; it should look and feel like you’re being pulled forward by your member. (Again, don’t over do this; it’s subtle). Walk purposefully and walk straight, look like you are a man on a mission. But don’t rush, you are on a mission, but you are not worried or tense about it.

– Spread your legs. When sitting (and when standing) spread your legs some. Don’t be an ass about it and take up an entire couch, but do it enough so you look confident and relaxed. If you keep your knees to close together you look weak, tense, and fearful. Spread ’em and look

– Lean back. When sitting lean back a bit, it looks confident and relaxed. How much will depend on the situation. The more you lean back, the more relaxed you look, so don’t lean back too far for your current social situation or you’ll come off looking either arrogant or unreliably clownish. Sitting straight looks professional and/or serious, so it is good in situations where you want to look that way. Never sit slouched, you’ll look weak and unconfident.

– When sitting use your hands to express your points when talking. When you are not using your hands then rest them in your lap folded together (for a more serious, professional look) or rest your arms on the armrest (for a neutral look). If you are sitting on a couch, pew, or or other multi-person seat spread your arms and rest them on the back of the seat for a very relaxed and confident look. Avoid being an ass about this; give other people room to sit without having to sit in your arms. If you want to look really relaxed fold your hands behind your head while leaning back; as a warning, in the wrong situation this can come off as arrogant or insulting.

– A confident smile or half-smirk should be your default expression for most social situations. Your expression should be inviting to others and look like you are enjoying yourself and are fun to be around, but you are not a gregarious clown whose purpose is amusing others. You are strong and confident, but inviting.

That’s a basic primer on body language and how to look relaxed and confident. Try to implement these.

Your Goal:

Your goal for the week is to remind yourself to have confident body posture. Keep body posture in mind and every time you think about it, arrange yourself to to display the most confident and relzed (but appropriate) body language you can.

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11 responses to “Omega’s Guide – Body Language

  • Matt

    Also, learning body language can help tell you what you are really thinking. Lots of insights available, so don’t just pay attention to the body language of others.

  • earl

    Two subtle things I learned…when you handshake with a man…keep the hands parallel. When you handshake with a woman make sure your tilt the hands a bit to where yours is on top of hers. It’s a subtle dominance ploy but I do it all the time for the sign of peace at church and it gets a positive reaction.

    Second look up steepling with your hands. Another dominance trait. That’s what I like to use as a default setting with my hands.

  • Jacob Justus

    Very good post. Practicing this is a total frame setter. People totally pick up on your vibe through your body language. Also, sometimes people will consciously or subconsciously try to get you to move or let down your assertive body language. Don’t flinch when people walk past or get close to you. Remember that Alphas love conflict, even if they don’t seek it out, they invite it in a playful way.

  • deti

    Americans have the concept of “personal space”.

    You should do all you can to occupy your personal space instead of retreating into it and within it.

    Spread out in your personal space. stand with feet about shoulder width apart. A man makes it clear through body language “This is my personal space. Unless I let you into it, do not invade it. “

  • Adam

    Wishlisted the body language book, thank you for linking that resource for people who want to go deeper. I think all of your details are well explained, just make sure you proofread to correct your typos. I think this post could go from good to rockstar by adding some 1-2 minute Youtube clips demonstrating the stances for visual learners. Otherwise, keep up the good work!

  • Anonymous

    You suck at writing. Your points are all obvious. You post is so wordy and unrefined that I could not stand to read it in it’s entirety.

  • S_McCoy

    I’ve never done much with body language thinking that if I was confident my body language would follow suit and as far as reading other people, since the communication is on a subconscious level, I shouldn’t have to know anything; if I was confident I would have confident body language and I would recognize confident people because of their body language.
    Now I realize that is wrong. I would start with Amy Cuddy’s research (see TED talks on power poses) and similar research on clothing I alluded to earlier and I think we can suggest that we can use body language to not only recognize mindsets but to help develop them within ourselves as well. In the same way one would lift weights to grow strong, one would adopt dominant poses to grow more confident. One should probably practice sitting with legs wide open and arms spread wide because just the pose itself would help develop the mindset.

  • Free Northerner

    @ Matt; Never even thought about that use.

    @ Earl: I should have put in something about handshakes. Good thing you added it.

    @ Jacob: Should have mentioned flinching too.

    @ deti: Personal space probably would have worked better than my explanation.

    @ Adam: Glad to help. I don’t do any proofreading, maybe i should start. As for Youtube clips; I simply didn’t don’t have the time.

    @ Anon: Thank you for your insightful, constructive criticism.

    @ McCoy. Exactly. Just learning to keep my hands out of my pockets years ago did wonders for my sociability.

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