I just reached my 1st year since registering this blog. I also recently posted my 200th post.
This calls for celebration.
It’s the holidays and I’ve got some stuff I’m trying to work on, so blogging will be very light for the next couple weeks.
I don’t have any major posts planned. There will be no Lightning Round on the 2nd; there might be one on the 9th, there might not, we’ll see. If you need to read something, enjoy previous Lightning Rounds here.
I might throw up some random garbage or post something substantial if the urge strikes, but don’t expect much.
I’ve changed the comments so they no longer nest; I found it was becoming annoying.
Some of the comments on the old pages may be less readable, but so it goes.
Depending on how this goes I might change it back.
So, I’ve returned from my vacation. I’ve looked through the comments of the posts here, but there’s too many to reply to.
I hope you’ve all enjoyed the first few posts in my Biblical Alpha series. I’ve got a few more posts in the series in the works, but it’s a long-term project; I’m putting it to the side for now as I need some variety on here.
I read a lot on vacation and caught up on a fair amount of my manosphere-related backlog of books , so most of the next week will be book reviews.
That’s housekeeping stuff out of the way. Now, about my vacation…
If this was a travel-blog, I’d brag about the sites I visited, the restaurants I ate at, etc., but you can get that anywhere; I’m pretty sure nothing I did or saw hasn’t been done, photographed, and blogged a million times already.
This is a site dedicated to personal self-improvement, exploring men’s topics, and alt-right politics, so, I’ll write about that instead.
First, some quick, off-hand alt-right observations.
In the relatively ethnically homogenous, northern European countries I went to across the pond, there seemed to be a level of social trust that isn’t always available in Canada.
Prices were ridiculously high and customer service sucked. (The wonders of democratic socialism).
It’s amazing how much history there is in Europe. Everywhere you go, there’s ancient churches, ancient buildings, ruins, ancient this and ancient that. It’s something I miss living in North America, where something a fifty years old is considered historical.
Europeans are a lot riskier with their children. They had child play facilities (it was a family vacation; children were there) there that would never get off the ground here for liability reasons. They still had the old wooden playground equipment that’s been eliminated over here. I think it’s a good thing, I favour the free-range kids approach, but it was odd.
Also, I didn’t notice as many fat people. It might have been just the places I visited, but I noticed that there weren’t near as many fat people over there, as there were here.
Nothing that hasn’t been observed before. So, enough of that, onto personal improvement stuff.
One thing I planned to work on while there was approaching woman. I had no plans to game anyone or go for a close or anything, but just open and sustain some conversations with some women to get over my approach anxiety (baby-steps).
One problem I didn’t count one: I didn’t really notice all that many women in the proper age bracket while I was there. Most of the things I went to were with my family and were either touristy or family-oriented; I saw a lot of jailbait and older women, but not many young women.
But I did have five good opportunities to approach a women of the appropriate age. I’ll be honest, the first two opportunities that presented themselves I blew entirely.
The first was on a train; I ended up sitting beside a very cute brunette (easily a 9 for those of you into numbers) for about an hour. She gave me a few sidelong glances that may (or may not) have been indicators of interest, but I did not talk to her, except some functional stuff when she needed to get by me to get off the train. At the time, I rationalized my cowardice by telling myself she was too young , but in retrospect, that was just an excuse, she could have been anywhere from 16-20, and I had no plans other than to just open a conversation, so there was nothing sleazy to it. In retrospect, that was just me chickening out (but I kinda knew that at the time to).
The next opportunity was at a gift shop in a tourist trap; I was buying a beer mug from a moderately pretty clerk (about a 7). As far as I could tell, she looked amenable to conversation and I intended to strike one up, but when I was making my purchase I fumbled with the credit card machine, got embarrassed, and pussied out.
That was dispiriting, but fear not gentle reader, for I rallied later in the trip. Feeling shame over my cowardice, I decided to do better on my next chance, and I did.
The third opportunity was at a train station. I was trying to decipher the train map with my sister and a somewhat plain lass (mostly about a 6, but with a very ample bosom that nudged her to a 7) was also reading the sign. I struck up a conversation with her and it ended up we both needed to take the same train. She turned out to be a back-packing Yank, and me, her, and my sister talked for a while and she displayed a number of interest signals. I estimate there was a decent chance I could have set up another meeting at this point if I tried for it. A couple other backpackers came on and joined in the conversation. One of them began to dominate the conversation and I didn’t care enough to wrest it back; I had accomplished what I wanted.
The fourth opportunity was at an amusement park near closing time. My nephew wanted to go on a kiddie ride; I got on with him, and while getting on, the really cute blonde ride operator (an 8.5, but subjective 9.5, as innocent-looking blue-eyed blondes are the definition of my type) asked me a few questions about where I was from. I answered, got on the ride. On the ride, I realized she had been flirting with me (I’m not very good at reading body language). My nephew wanted to ride again (and again, and again) and while getting on talked more with the operator, and, yes, she was indeed flirting with me very heavily. When my nephew was done his multiple rides and my family moved on I stayed behind, and started a good conversation with her. We talked for about 10 or so minutes, she seemed surprised at my age when it came up, then when I asked her if she was in university or anything, she answered high school and told me her grade. Her grade made it sound like she was 15 or 16 to my Canuck knowledge (later I learned her grade would have made her 17, maybe 18). The conversation continued for a few minutes more, but even after the reveal of a decade or so age gap, she still seemed very much into me.
I was at the time, and still am, 95% sure that I could have either gotten her number or a date after the park closing had I simply asked. Somewhat regretfully, I decided not to, though. I was not going to start a long-distance relationship with a high-school girl and am not planning on engaging in casual sex, so there was not any reason to pursue further.
This one was major confidence booster. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a natural omega, and deep-down I still have the internalized omega’s doubts about my attractiveness to females. So, such open and heavy flirting from such a highly attractive stranger was very nice boost and has helped alleviate some of my doubts. A few more interactions like that and I might be rid of them entirely.
The final opportunity was at an airport terminal. I exchanged a few glances with a moderately pretty blonde (about a 7, subjective 8) at the duty-free while paying for my liquor and then saw her in the terminal for the plane I was catching. I sat beside her and started reading, intending to strike up conversation when it looked like I had an opening. Before I could, she asked me when the plane was coming, I told her and we started talking. She seemed interested, as the conversation went along, it turned out she was also in high school. I could most likely still have gotten her e-mail address or phone number after that had I asked, but again, to what end? I let the conversation die a natural death as we got seated. Then waved goodbye to her when I saw her in customs after the flight.
So, maybe not the most interesting interactions and there’s no real game conclusions to be drawn as the conversations I had were fairly mundane with no attempt at game on my part. Any alphas or game-types reading this are probably snickering to themselves about me writing about such go-nowhere interactions, but for me these were big steps.
These were my first cold approaches and the first time I ever opened strangers. So, overall I’m pleased with the results and the positive responses, especially from the one blonde, were shots to my confidence.
One thing from these interactions, especially the last two was whether I’ve attracted female attention before but didn’t notice?
I’ve never been able to read body language all that well and I’ve always assumed I didn’t attract female attention, an ingrained attitude coming from my school years as a skinny, socially ostracized nerd. But the last few years I haven’t looked as nerdy, have not been as socially awkward, and am not the toothpick I was in high school. Lately I’ve been trying to learn to read body language, especially as it relates to inter-sex interactions. Six months or a year ago, I never would have noticed the flirting from the operator or the glances from the other blonde. I haven’t noticed any female attention in my real life, I got more attention in the three weeks of the trip than in the last year at home. Have I been receiving this kind of attention from females for a while and either not noticed it or discounted it? Something to keep an eye out for.
There was also one other interaction of note. I was at the beach with my folks and was just standing around staring at the ocean, when a random guy came up to me and started what turned into a rather awkward conversation. He was either gay or practicing his English, I’m not sure which, but I think the former as he was very obviously (European swimsuits) at “half-mast” for the conversation (or a rather unimpressive “full-mast”), although, he did mention how he enjoyed practicing his English, so the “half-mast” might possibly have just been an unfortunate coincidence.
But either way, the conversation was rather awkward. I’ve wondered whether that uncomfortable awkwardness is what a women feels when some guy tries a lame approach?
Anyway, that’s the end of my self-absorbed, navel-gazing for today. Maybe you found it interesting, maybe you didn’t. I’ll have some real content in the next couple of days.
I am away on vacation for the next few weeks and will likely have only limited access to a computer. Not to mention that I want to enjoy the vacation, rather than sit at a computer screen.
I’ve scheduled two or three posts a week to be automatically put up, including the first few posts in a new series.
There will be no Lightning Rounds for this period for obvious reasons.
Sadly, I didn’t receive any guest posts. I guess my lies about the size of my blog readership size weren’t enough to entice people.
I’m leaving the comments open, so please don’t abuse them.
I will likely not be checking the spam folder that often if at all, so, if your comment gets caught in there, that’s too bad, I’ll get to it when I get back. (This is particularly for Will S., whose comments tend to go to spam. Although, the last few haven’t, so maybe that problem went away).
Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the new posts. See you in a few weeks.
Happy Dominion Day to all you Canadians out there.
I know the day’s almost over, but I was busy. Hey, I’m doing this for free, what do you expect?
Most call it Canada Day, but it was originally Dominion Day, and our ties to the British Empire and the Anglosphere should be emphasized, so we celebrate Dominion Day here.
Just 10 million people more and we may undo the damage Trudeau did.
For all you Yanks, I’ll give you an early happy July , because I’m not going to remember it on the actual day.
Although, y’all shouldn’t be celebrating, you should be working to undo the mistake you made and rejoin the British commonwealth.
In blog news, at the end of this week, I’m going on vacation for a few weeks. I’ve got some blog posts planned to be posted by schedule while I’m away, but more content would be great, so if any of my readers want something read by my mind-blowingly huge audience* send it to my e-mail: Freenortherner (at) hotmail.com. Just make sure it somehow fits the theme of the blog and isn’t something the blog would find objectionable. I’ll schedule it in and include a link back to your site or blog with the post when it’s posted.
* Audience size may have been grossly exaggerated to increase audience participation.
Ferdinand is shutting In Mala Fide and In Bona Fide down later this week.
He will be missed. I’ve only been reading In Mala Fide for half a year or so and I didn’t always agree with him but his posts were always thought-provoking. His exit will be a great loss to the manosphere.
In addition, Ferd’s linkage posts were a great help in getting traffic to my blog started, so I want to thank him for that. I’m sure he helped out many others in our little neck of the blogosphere with those.
So, head over there and wish him luck in his new opportunity.
Reading Ferd’s goodbye post, got me to thinking on the purpose of this blog and it’s future. It’s still new and there’s a lot to write, so there’s little chance of it disappearing any time soon, but I think the blog is unlikely to be a permanent part of my life.
I was an underworked cubicle drone with nothing to look forward to but high blood pressure
and pawing at drunken co-eds on the weekend. I had escaped the hell of post-college underemployment, a familiar hell to white guys in their twenties, into a new hell of ennui and listlessness. I was miserable and cranky
My problem is that In Mala Fide no longer reflects who I am.
This sounds more or less like the reason I recently started this blog, but at some point this part of my life will be over, whether through acceptance of my lot, the success of self-directed changes in my life, or a change to my circumstances.
The specific purposes of this blog is for me to ascertain what kind of life I will pursue: whether it will be as a traditional Christian patriarch, an irresponsible alpha, a MGTOW beta, or just another beta going through the prescribed motions of life. I’ve given myself until I turn 30 to decide. That’s still a couple years away, but at that time, depending on what I choose, there’s a good chance this blog may end. Depending on what occurs in life, it may end before that.
I don’t plan on quitting blogging any time soon, but I’ve found that writing two or three big posts a week is eating too much of my limited free time. Between my full-time work, hobbies, and social life, I only have a couple free evenings a week, and if I spend every one of them writing 1000-2500 word posts I think I might burn out in only a few months. Now that I’ve established a base of content, future posts will likely either become smaller and/or less frequent.
I’ve now spent 300+ words writing about and contemplating the future of my two month old blog in a post about saying goodbye. Ferd is right: “All bloggers are narcissists and attention whores, every single one.”
Check out his site while you still can.