Child Support is not Fatherhood

I was reading this post, An E-mail from a Proud Deadbeat Dad.

Matt is correct that fathers are important and that a man abandoning his child is an awful human being, but, while he does give a cursory out for men who have been kicked out their homes, he is far too accepting of the “women get pregnant and men abandon them myth”.

Matt, in the unlikely event you read this, the women who wish they had a man around are as much requiring of exorciation as men who abandon their children.

What kind of despicable women has children with a man who is not going to be there?

Why are these women not picking out better men to have children with, instead of cads who pump and dump them?

You should ask this question in your next blog.

(I sent him a e-mail asking him this, but in a more polite manner, we’ll see if he has a response).

****

BW is the product of feminism. “His body, his choice.”

When women can renounce motherhood by destroying their child in the womb, how can society judge a man for renouncing fatherhood?

How is BW any worse a person than the women who has serial abortions?

****

I came across this comment, by one gastronaut76:

I raise a daughter alone, after her father- who I was engaged to- whose idea it was to have a child, who was so excited to have a baby, who I realized I couldn’t make a life and separated from, slipped out of my daughter’s life, stopped paying child support, and owes me thousands. Your reductionist argument that I’m not only somehow defective because I was in love, believed a man who promised to support me and bore his child, only to be left holding the bag, but also AT FAULT for his actions? I have no words.

This gastronaut is obviously entirely at fault here, yet she seems to blame the man.

She kicks the father of her child out of her house for undisclosed (which likely means immature) reasons and then he’s the deadbeat for not paying child support.

This kind of crooked thinking can only be the result of a complete lack of understanding of what fatherhood is.

Child support is not fatherhood.

Every second weekend is not fatherhood.

Visitation rights are not fatherhood.

A man who has been removed from his own children and his own home can not engage in fatherhood. He can try to father the best he can, and any man that does gets my respect, but there is simply no way a father, no matter how great a man he may be, can fulfill the functions of fatherhood while removed from his children’s lives.

Even soldiers, sacrificing everything and fighting wars on the other side of the world, get home leave to spend quantity and quality time with their families.

A father needs to be there for his children, to spend time with them, to teach them, to discipline them, to love them, to nurture them. A father need quantity time with his children.

Every second weekend, no matter how “quality” it is is not enough.

Fatherhood is not disposable, and child support is not fatherhood.

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13 responses to “Child Support is not Fatherhood

  • Joe

    what percentage of men do you think would independently raise their own kids versus women that require 20-30% of a mans paycheck as “child support” ?

  • Leap of a Beta

    If I ever have to experience this…. Well, expat will start to seem like a mighty fine idea depending on how it gets stuck to me by the state.

  • Thad

    Joe, I have made that offer to my ex. I would glad return the state mandated support to her each month if she were to let me raise my son. Of course that would mean she would be taking a pay cut, so it’s not happening.

  • Tin Man

    I would gladly have custodial custody of my children – and my (x)wife knows it. I’ve also stated that I have the “means” to raise them, she does not. Without any legal obligation or court mandated support, she has gotten 1/2 my paycheck since she moved out – primarily for the fact that “the kids will always live with her” and I didn’t want to put the kids in the middle of it.

    I also pay for the majority of extras and activities.

    I agree, support is not Fatherhood. It’s tough being separated from my kids – I want them to be with me all the time – and I hate the idea of another man spending more time with them. But…you can only be the best Father within the situation you have been provided. I take full responsibility of my failures as a Husband – but I will not fail as a Father – that is not an option.

    Live, Learn, Lead.

  • earl

    Just a thought experiment…since I doubt little will change with the current system.

    What if the woman just got child support (or if you want to call it what it truly is…alimony) and the man got to keep the kids?

    That to me seems to be the most fair trade in an unfair system. She takes something you have to invest your time in…and you get to take something she had to invest her time in.

    She will wail and gnash her teeth as a ruse for being such a caring parent…but the reality is they only want the kids as a means to get money anyway. Once they turn 18…the women could care less. Why not cut out the middlemen?

  • seriouslypleasedropit

    Dalrock’s post, We are Trapped on Slut Island and Conservatives are our Gilligan”, makes an important point: Since the # of children one man can father is limitless, if you get rid of one player, the others will just say, “More sluts for me!” and compensate. A better approach is to cut down on the sluts.

  • Ton

    Well Earl that what I told the judge and my ex, that I’d pay her to keep them. It didn’t go over well.

  • Fist of Vulkan

    Reading that white knighting drivel forced me out of my usual lurking state and I commented. Hat tip to you for the quote I borrowed from your One more condom in the landfill.

  • J.d. Saunders


    Look how this father has been treated in his chiild support case.

  • Child Support and Fatherhood Are Not the Same Thing

    […] A man who has been removed from his own children and his own home can not engage in fatherhood. He c… […]

  • Shameful

    Women dont really care if their children have fathers, they want fun and drama. If women in the past would throw their babies on pires to Baal, what makes up think that today is effectivly any different? Tingles uber alles.

  • cdw100

    Child support is designed to keep fat women, fatter. Examine and discuss.

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