Backsliding and Failure

Today, I am here to talk of failure, my own. I’ve been backsliding these last few months.

For a year there I was on the way up, I was approaching women and I thought I was good with it. I was definitely not an approach machine, but I was never trying to be. The occasional approach when a likely prospect comes up and a date every couple months is good enough for me and is all I’m trying to accomplish and I was doing it. Compared to the time prior where I never approached and had a grand total of 0 dates in 3 years, it’s a vast improvement

But these last two months I’ve been backsliding; I’ve been letting good opportunities pass me by. (On the positive, I did go out with a nice feminine girl from my sports team a few weeks back).

One that stands out is from a couple of weeks ago, there was a very cute girl who visited my church with her family. After the service, she dropped a number of shy smiles my way. I knew her father from way back and talked with him some, she was standing right there. I did not so much as say hi to her. I rationalized it to myself that she was too young (most likely she was 18) and her father was right there; but being honest with myself, I just chickened out.

But my slacking in this was hammered home just a couple days ago. In the morning I was on the bus, an attractive blonde sat next to me. I desired to talk to her, but over-thought for far too long. I took of my earphones to start a conversation, but then simply froze in over-thinking. Then kept over-thinking, until she got off a few stops before mine.

In the evening it got even worse. I stopped at McDonald’s and was served by a cute brunette. While waiting for my food, she started chatting me up (I was the only person at the counter). We chatted for a bit, and I held my end up fairly well, but then, I wussed out in getting her number. While walking out I kept telling myself I should get her number, but I just kept walking.

I’m not writing this because any of it is particularly interesting; I’m recognizing my failure here in the hopes it will spur me to try harder in the future, so I can recognize triumphs here instead. I need to put more work into approaching if I want to find a wife.

10 responses to “Backsliding and Failure

  • donalgraeme

    Over-thinking is something I am very prone to as well. At some point you have to just trust your instincts and go for it.

  • Will S.

    I thought you were going to speak of the other kind of backsliding, the more traditional meaning of that term. That happens to many of us, too – if not all, at times, in one way or another…

  • AAB

    “I took of my earphones to start a conversation, but then simply froze in over-thinking. Then kept over-thinking, until she got off a few stops before mine.”
    Over thinking seems to be the bane of the introvert. It also affirms the age old adage that ‘you can have too much of a a good thing’!

    I wrote a post on introverts and overthinking a while back that might be of some use:

  • infowarrior1

    Either you are growing or you are regressing. Improving or deteriorating. A living organism ain’t ever static.

  • earl

    Over thinking is my weakness too. Even my own father tells me I need to lighten up when it comes to this woman thing. I’ve been trying to take everything in that realm a LOT less seriously.

    Guys who are very logical and/or introverted can do great things when it comes to a job, coming up with a military strategy, or constructing theories…but they have to remember a woman isn’t a job, strategy, or a theory. It really is all about the moment.

  • Leap of a Beta

    The best way is always to remember how fun and joyful talking with a woman can be, as well as remembering that you’re adding value to her day.

    No matter what you say or do, that is something she wouldn’t have had in her life without you

  • Free Northerner

    @ Donal and Earl: No temptation has befallen you except what is common to man.When I can manage to turn off the constant stream in my brain, I can become rather alpha, but it’s a hard thing to do.

    @ WIll: Nope, not backsliding in that way. You know, I almost never hear the term used in the traditional manner.

    @ AAB: Good post.

    @ info: \yup.

    @ Leap: That one is hard to internalize as a lot of my interactions with women in my formative years were unpleasant.

  • earl


    It’s like the line I heard in Fight Club.

    Turning on one light in the house means another light has to be turned off.

    In the case of the actual women…turn off the logic. Everything else…keep the emotions at bay.

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