I’m Back

So, I’ve returned from my vacation. I’ve looked through the comments of the posts here, but there’s too many to reply to.

I hope you’ve all enjoyed the first few posts in my Biblical Alpha series. I’ve got a few more posts in the series in the works, but it’s a long-term project; I’m putting it to the side for now as I need some variety on here.

I read a lot on vacation and caught up on a fair amount of my manosphere-related backlog of books , so most of the next week will be book reviews.

That’s housekeeping stuff out of the way. Now, about my vacation…

If this was a travel-blog, I’d brag about the sites I visited, the restaurants I ate at, etc., but you can get that anywhere; I’m pretty sure nothing I did or saw hasn’t been done, photographed, and blogged a million times already.

This is a site dedicated to personal self-improvement, exploring men’s topics, and alt-right politics, so, I’ll write about that instead.

*****

First, some quick, off-hand alt-right observations.

In the relatively ethnically homogenous, northern European countries I went to across the pond, there seemed to be a level of social trust that isn’t always available in Canada.

Prices were ridiculously high and customer service sucked. (The wonders of democratic socialism).

It’s amazing how much history there is in Europe. Everywhere you go, there’s ancient churches, ancient buildings, ruins, ancient this and ancient that. It’s something I miss living in North America, where something a fifty years old is considered historical.

Europeans are a lot riskier with their children. They had child play facilities (it was a family vacation; children were there) there that would never get off the ground here for liability reasons. They still had the old wooden playground equipment that’s been eliminated over here. I think it’s a good thing, I favour the free-range kids approach, but it was odd.

Also, I didn’t notice as many fat people. It might have been just the places I visited, but I noticed that there weren’t near as many fat people over there, as there were here.

Nothing that hasn’t been observed before. So, enough of that, onto personal improvement stuff.

****

One thing I planned to work on while there was approaching woman. I had no plans to game anyone or go for a close or anything, but just open and sustain some conversations with some women  to get over my approach anxiety (baby-steps).

One problem I didn’t count one: I didn’t really notice all that many women in the proper age bracket while I was there. Most of the things I went to were with my family and were either touristy or family-oriented; I saw a lot of jailbait and older women, but not many young women.

But I did have five good opportunities to approach a women of the appropriate age. I’ll be honest, the first two opportunities that presented themselves I blew entirely.

The first was on a train; I ended up sitting beside a very cute brunette (easily a 9 for those of you into numbers) for about an hour. She gave me a few sidelong glances that may (or may not) have been indicators of interest, but I did not talk to her, except some functional stuff when she needed to get by me to get off the train. At the time, I rationalized my cowardice by telling myself she was too young , but in retrospect, that was just an excuse, she could have been anywhere from 16-20, and I had no plans other than to just open a conversation, so there was nothing sleazy to it. In retrospect, that was just me chickening out (but I kinda knew that at the time to).

The next opportunity was at a gift shop in a tourist trap; I was buying a beer mug from a moderately pretty clerk (about a 7). As far as I could tell, she looked amenable to conversation and I intended to strike one up, but when I was making my purchase I fumbled with the credit card machine, got embarrassed, and pussied out.

That was dispiriting, but fear not gentle reader, for I rallied later in the trip. Feeling shame over my cowardice, I decided to do better on my next chance, and I did.

The third opportunity was at a train station. I was trying to decipher the train map with my sister and a somewhat plain lass (mostly about a 6, but with a very ample bosom that nudged her to a 7)  was also reading the sign. I struck up a conversation with her and it ended up we both needed to take the same train. She turned out to be a back-packing Yank, and me, her, and my sister talked for a while and she displayed a number of interest signals. I estimate there was a decent chance I could have set up another meeting at this point if I tried for it. A couple other backpackers came on and joined in the conversation. One of them began to dominate the conversation and I didn’t care enough to wrest it back; I had accomplished what I wanted.

The fourth opportunity was at an amusement park near closing time. My nephew wanted to go on a kiddie ride; I got on with him, and while getting on, the really cute blonde ride operator (an 8.5, but subjective 9.5, as innocent-looking blue-eyed blondes are the definition of my type) asked me a few questions about where I was from. I answered, got on the ride. On the ride, I realized she had been flirting with me (I’m not very good at reading body language). My nephew wanted to ride again (and again, and again) and while getting on talked more with the operator, and, yes, she was indeed flirting with me very heavily. When my nephew was done his multiple rides and my family moved on I stayed behind, and started a good conversation with her. We talked for about 10 or so minutes, she seemed surprised at my age when it came up, then when I asked her if she was in university or anything, she answered high school and told me her grade. Her grade made it sound like she was 15 or 16 to my Canuck knowledge (later I learned her grade would have made her 17, maybe 18). The conversation continued for a few minutes more, but even after the reveal of a decade or so age gap, she still seemed very much into me.

I was at the time, and still am, 95% sure that I could have either gotten her number or a date after the park closing had I simply asked. Somewhat regretfully, I decided not to, though. I was not going to start a long-distance relationship with a high-school girl and am not planning on engaging in casual sex, so there was not any reason to pursue further.

This one was major confidence booster. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a natural omega, and deep-down I still have the internalized omega’s doubts about my attractiveness to females. So, such open and heavy flirting from such a highly attractive stranger was very nice boost and has helped alleviate some of my doubts. A few more interactions like that and I might be rid of them entirely.

The final opportunity was at an airport terminal. I exchanged a few glances with a moderately pretty blonde (about a 7, subjective 8) at the duty-free while paying for my liquor and then saw her in the terminal for the plane I was catching. I sat beside her and started reading, intending to strike up conversation when it looked like I had an opening. Before I could, she asked me when the plane was coming, I told her and we started talking. She seemed interested, as the conversation went along, it turned out she was also in high school. I could most likely still have gotten her e-mail address or phone number after that had I asked, but again, to what end? I let the conversation die a natural death as we got seated. Then waved goodbye to her when I saw her in customs after the flight.

So, maybe not the most interesting interactions and there’s no real game conclusions to be drawn as the conversations I had were fairly mundane with no attempt at game on my part. Any alphas or game-types reading this are probably snickering to themselves about me writing about such go-nowhere interactions, but for me these were big steps.

These were my first cold approaches and the first time I ever opened strangers. So, overall I’m pleased with the results and the positive responses, especially from the one blonde, were shots to my confidence.

*****

One thing from these interactions, especially the last two was whether I’ve attracted female attention before but didn’t notice?

I’ve never been able to read body language all that well and I’ve always assumed I didn’t attract female attention, an ingrained attitude coming from my school years as a skinny, socially ostracized nerd. But the last few years I haven’t looked as nerdy, have not been as socially awkward, and am not the toothpick I was in high school. Lately I’ve been trying to learn to read body language, especially as it relates to inter-sex interactions. Six months or a year ago, I never would have noticed the flirting from the operator or the glances from the other blonde. I haven’t noticed any female attention in my real life, I got more attention in the three weeks of the trip than in the last year at home. Have I been receiving this kind of attention from females for a while and either not noticed it or discounted it? Something to keep an eye out for.

*****

There was also one other interaction of note. I was at the beach with my folks and was just standing around staring at the ocean, when a random guy came up to me and started what turned into a rather awkward conversation. He was either gay or practicing his English, I’m not sure which, but I think the former as he was very obviously (European swimsuits) at “half-mast” for the conversation (or a rather unimpressive “full-mast”), although, he did mention how he enjoyed practicing his English, so the “half-mast” might possibly have just been an unfortunate coincidence.

But either way, the conversation was rather awkward. I’ve wondered whether that uncomfortable awkwardness is what a women feels when some guy tries a lame approach?

*****

Anyway, that’s the end of my self-absorbed, navel-gazing for today. Maybe you found it interesting, maybe you didn’t. I’ll have some real content in the next couple of days.


2 responses to “I’m Back

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