Contemplating the Red Pill

Welcome to the home of Free Northerner.

I’m a Canadian, a conservative Christian, and an alt-right libertarian.

Growing up I had always accepted societies norms (or at least evangelical norms): go to church, believe in Jesus, behave in school, trust authority, go to university, get a good job, obey the law, respect authority, pay your taxes, get married, have kids. I accepted these values; I still mostly do.

In the past years, I’ve been questioning what I was taught by society, and slowly I’ve become increasingly disillusioned.

Over the past years, I’ve read about libertarianism, conservatism, and economics on blogs and in books (not in university, of course: outside of specifically economics courses it was mostly progressivism that they “taught” me): I realized that the socialist dogma and white guilt I had learned in school was wrong. My first dip into the alt-right blogsphere came when I found Steve Sailer and the Steveosphere. I learned that a lot of what I had been taught concerning science, society, tolerance, and equality was wrong. From the Steveosphere, I eventually wondered into Roissy. I read about game and the sexual marketplace but only for intellectual interest. I never really fully bought it and had minimal interest in applying any of it.

But that may change. I’m considering the red pill.

In school and through the first half of university, I was an omega male. A loser with few (sometimes no) friends who was incapable of talking to women, incapable of carrying on a conversation with anyone outside my family and friends, and who spent most of his time reading or playing video games. I was depressed, lonely, and hated my life.

So, I decided to change it. I learned how to engage in conversation, I learned how to talk to women, I became more social, I joined university groups and expanded my circle of friends. I began to like my life. I had friends, I would actually have social activities on the weekends, I could talk to girls, and I even managed to have a couple short relationships. Through hard work, practice, and tons of fear, I managed to work my way up to the status of beta male.

My life was on the upswing. I graduated, after a year of underemployment, I found a good government job. I bought a house. Life was good.

But now, I’m becoming dissatisfied with my life again.

I want to get married and raise a family, but I haven’t had a relationship in a couple years. I very rarely meet quality girls worth pursuing and when I do, I get rejected.

I own a house in preparation for my hoped for family. It’s much more space than I need or use, and eats up a significant portion of my pay and I find the mortgage somewhat constricting.

By any typical definition my job is excellent: good pay, good benefits, good pension, low stress, easy work, etc. but oftentimes the work I do seems pointless, and sometimes I don’t even have enough work to do, so I sometimes feel like an economic parasite. I’ve been questioning if it’s worth the mundanity, repetitiousness,  and pointlessness of my work is worth the benefits. But, the golden handcuffs keep me. My degree is fairly worthless outside the government, so I don’t know where else I would get a job and I need a job to support the family I hope to have and pay the mortgage.

I find myself lacking motivation, questioning my life choices, and questioning my faith/religion.

Recently, I have discovered the manosphere outside of Roissy. I have read of the red pill and the hazards of marriage (and divorce). I read Freedom 25, In Mala Fide, and Captain Capitalism and realized that others have felt similar to what I have now, but dropped out of the accepted way of doing life.

So, I’m considering a second major change to my lifestyle. I’ve set myself a time limit of when I turn thirty, a couple years away, to figure out what I want to do with my life.

I don’t know what’s going to happen. I might meet a nice conservative Christian girl and settle down. I might decide to take the red pill. I might decide to learn game, I might decide it’s not worth it. I might sell my house. My Christian faith might grow, or it might whither and die. I don’t know, but I have to think about it and choose, because I don’t want to live life as dissatisfied as I am now.

So, this blog. I’ll be writing my thoughts on the issues and hopefully there will be discussions which help me clarify my thinking on my life.

So come with me as I contemplate the red pill.

You might see the downward spiral as a nerdy Christian turns into a nihilistic asshole, or you might see a questioning man’s faith in God, society, and family renewed and strengthened.


14 responses to “Contemplating the Red Pill

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